Support not stuff

Wildish Women
Welcome back to the Wildish Women Podcast. This week we’re going to dive into motherhood a little bit with discussing support during, before, after pregnancy and motherhood in general really. Today we are joined by Kaitlin McGreyes. She is the founder of BeHerVillage so welcome to the podcast Kaitlin!

Kaitlin McGreyes
Thank you so much for having me I am so so excited to be here and I’m so excited to talk about gifting Mom support not stuff because that’s really. That’s what we’re doing.. That’s what we’re working on. That’s the change that we’re making um and it’s really cool to watch it grow and I can’t wait to tell your listeners all about it.

wildishwomen
Yeah, Thank you so much for being here today I looked into be her village and I think that is such a cool concept. The way you have taken registry items and shifted the focus I think that’s really clever and very much needed. Ah with. That can you tell me where did all this come from.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Absolutely um, so I mean it came from so many places but it really came from my own experience being a mother I had this um I have 3 little ones and my oldest who is 10 now actually. I had my baby shower I think so many of us do right? It’s like we’re so excited our friends and family are so excited. There’s nothing more exciting than someone having a baby It’s just like it’s the coolest thing. It’s kind of wild. What our bodies can do. It’s this you know it’s this like new member of the community is being born and I remember being.

wildishwomen
Right.

Kaitlin McGreyes
So overwhelmed with love I was crying my entire baby shower I was so touched by everyone showing up for me and I left as many of us do and we’re so lucky and grateful for it with a car full and an apartment full of baby stuff. Um, so that was my experience and then and then and then.

wildishwomen
Right? um.

Kaitlin McGreyes
I Had an induction I didn’t really want or maybe need I’m not really sure. It’s all a little foggy. Um, it’s turned caesarianan that same not sure if I definitely didn’t want it but I definitely and and I don’t think I needed it. Not sure kind of not the point I ended up. Um.

wildishwomen
The name but.

Kaitlin McGreyes
At home completely alone. My husband had to go back to work while I was still in the hospital which was just superb. Yeah, oh yeah, no, there’s just no paid parental leave and he was in this like program. He was.

wildishwomen
Oh no, did you have complications that made you stay longer or he just couldn’t miss word. Ah, that’s true.

Kaitlin McGreyes
And this master’s program and this like special teaching program and it was this like really intense summer programs that he could go from being a teacher assistant to a teacher and he couldn’t miss anytime. But even if he could have We don’t we don’t We didn’t have and we still don’t but we didn’t have the money for him to take.

wildishwomen
Dot. Um.

wildishwomen
Right? right? and hard. Yes.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Time off you know, like we were a young family. It was really it was paycheck to paycheck. Um, and so I was still in the hospital. The baby was born at five Twenty a m on Saturday and he went back to work Monday morning and my mother took me home from the hospital and I was you know.

wildishwomen
Uh, oh that’s rough.

Kaitlin McGreyes
PostC -section so I was in an incredible amount of pain and and not an incredible amount. That’s not fair but I was in a recovery for my own body I was trying to figure out how to breastfeed this little creature that I was so incredibly in love with that I have to mention the love because it’s sort of like.

wildishwomen
Right.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Tempers the rest of the horror stories that come with birth and early motherhood. The the love is incredible. It just it helps you float along through all of this now. Um, and I remember this like moment where I was my mother was on her way. She was trying to help as much as she could and it was three days posts

wildishwomen
Yeah, yes, does and make people press.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Section and I was trying to figure out how to get the 2 of us ready for a doctor’s appointment and I couldn’t figure out how to take a shower and also breastfeed a baby that would not would not let me put him down without hysterical crying and the latching was painful.

wildishwomen
I Have to say yeah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
And I remember being naked in my nursery in the corner of the nursery that we had like meticulously prepared right? like all the baby shower gifts. We had painted a beautiful mural on of art like a scene from our Costa Rican honeymoon like on the wall we had just put so much time and energy into the things that were surrounding us.

wildishwomen
So right.

Kaitlin McGreyes
And I was just like sitting there like crying naked bleeding from multiple places and just being like oh this isn’t that was it or I was like oh this isn’t oh I’m like surrounded by all this stuff people gave me and I was so grateful for it. But it’s not really what I needed and that.

wildishwomen
Oh yeah, I mean that’s more motherhood though you know.

wildishwomen
Yet.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Was like a real moment for me of like oh welcome to motherhood and in that moment. It’s so easy to like blame yourself to think I’m not doing right or I’m failing or I’m like I don’t have what I need but then I went on I had another birth another one after that I had.

wildishwomen
Yep.

Kaitlin McGreyes
I became a doula I supported hundreds and hundreds of families across Long Island and New York um helping them achieve the birth. They wanted to get the support they need etc and I started seeing almost all of those people that I supported had at least 1 moment like that at least 1 moment where it’s like.

wildishwomen
Um, yeah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Wait This is an adding of I am alone where is my village where is my community. Everybody just says enjoy every moment walks out the door. You know figuratively not not necessarily actually walking out the door saying that. But there’s this like here’s all this stuff I spent hundreds of dollars of stuff on.

wildishwomen
Right.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Stuff for you because I want you to have a great experience but that’s not actually what we need and so I started thinking like how can how can we shift this the the communities have the money right? There’s $12 billion a year spent every year on baby gifts in this country. So. That’s money that’s spent on gifts not on baby stuff. Not by the parents and so these families and communities have money and they are willing to spend it on our mothers because we value mothers because we love our mothers because we want to uplift them. But we’re being sort of tricked a little bit by.

wildishwomen
Right.

Kaitlin McGreyes
These big box stores and these retailers and these baby gear companies to like that if we buy this gear. It will make those moments better and there’s just a real disconnect there for me and I think for many many many people who have been through it and so that’s that’s where this all kind of came from. It’s like wait. There’s There’s some.

wildishwomen
Um, you are.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Happening here where we’re talking about the wrong things and we’re buying the wrong things. But if you go before be her village existed if you go to baby registries. There’s nothing and still to this day. Nothing for the mother. It’s all baby gear and it’s like well wait. But how do I care for this baby. That bouncer that rocker that vibrating chair. You know all these pacifiers and things it’s yes we need some of them sure but is that the thing that we really need now we need somebody telling us. It’s going to be okay, showing us how to live our lives with the baby caring for us that we can care for our little one and and that really was the. Jumping off point for this and it’s been so cool to to test it out right to like build it and put it out there and be like is anyone going to register. Oh oh good people are registering. Is anyone going to buy this gift. Oh people are buying and and now we have over $78000 have been funded gifted on be her village and so we.

wildishwomen
Yeah. And it’s amazing.

Kaitlin McGreyes
We’re at this point where we have like we’ve tested it and people are in right? and so now it’s just a matter of of spreading it and people are talking about it and making this really the movement that it deserves to be.

wildishwomen
Right? Well, it’s it’s interesting to the focus because ah, you don’t think of it especially as a new mom. You don’t know any better I would say either. You’re just like yeah I need all these things because people say I need all these things and then you get all these things and it’s like oh actually I need totally different things.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Um, yeah.

wildishwomen
Then whole stuff and like I know with my first I have 3 boys and with my first we got tons and tons of stuff and then slowly as I had another kid I was like we don’t need all that stuff and then when I had my last kid. It’s like okay, we really don’t need all this stuff and. I actually wanted to consider a doula but then I was like oh well I know I’m having a plan c-section. So what can a doula do for me, you know and I did not know all the services that Doula’s offer and if I had.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Ah, absolutely.

wildishwomen
I Really think I would have taken advantage of that because ah, it’s so much work. Especially you know, like in your case where your husband your partner had to go back to work immediately. Mine did not he had paternity leave. Ah it though it was unpaid. He had it but it.

Kaitlin McGreyes
In ah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
One month right is you still quite frankly, you still need the village like that’s why there’s a village. It’s and I love that sort of talking about thinking about a du There is a total misconception that only certain types of people needs.

wildishwomen
Still wasn’t enough. You know. So yeah.

wildishwomen
Yeah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Like only if you’re going unmedicated Only if you want a vaginal birth and it’s like no no, no, this is all about feeling empowered about being centered in the whole experience about being cared for and it takes a team of people to care for mothers before during and after the Birth 100% Yeah I mean me as a doula that was my entire approach right? like I had people that were planning c-sections that were planning epidurals that were hiring us and in our initial like before they hired us because we had a team um saying I want a c-section like how can you guys support us and we would talk about it because it’s It’s really.

wildishwomen
Yeah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Not about how the baby comes out. It’s really not about that at all. Um, it’s about how you feel in those moments. Are you feeling like your your team is caring for you. Are you feeling like you have choices. Are you feeling like you understand them, you know and then there’s the Postpartum Dula aspect someone to come.

wildishwomen
Yeah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
And I like to call them like fairy godmothers they come and they just make everything feel better to someone just sweeps in with no judgment. No baggage, no nothing that just comes and like feeds you and cleans up a little bit and shows you how to latch or whatever your feeding goals are and like can validate and normalize your experience there.

wildishwomen
Yeah, lock.

Kaitlin McGreyes
So much power to that and that’s something that the village used to do right? That’s like the part of the aspect that we’re missing is that people the women in our community would come in and care for us during pregnancy during our labor and in the postpartum they would care for our older kids they would feed us they would show us what to do and we would also.

wildishwomen
Yeah, right.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Seeing that throughout our lives when even when we weren’t in that motherhood time and so the village looks a little different now. Now it looks like dual is and lactation consultants and pelvic floor providers and midwives and you know there’s a difference to the team we have labels and professions. But that knowledge still exists and still needs to be passed down.

wildishwomen
Right.

wildishwomen
Oh yeah, for sure and like you said it same for me the misconception that I needed to have a vaginal birth to have a doula because I didn’t know all the things that doulas do to be honest until it was too late.

Kaitlin McGreyes
From generation to generation.

Kaitlin McGreyes
More. A boy. Yeah.

wildishwomen
You know after I had my third and I was like wait a minute juulas will cook and they’ll clean and they’ll help out with stuff like I had no idea so being that you’ve been a doula before what all have you done for other mothers.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Um, yeah, yeah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
I mean so I there’s 2 main types of juulla there’s a birth tula and there’s postpartum duas so I did one shift as a postpartum dula. Um, and then I realized that I actually needed a postpartum Tuula and I didn’t need to be into postpart of doulla. Um, but postpartum doulas are sort of like.

wildishwomen
Do the check now.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Those fairy godmothers they come in after the birth and they are making sure that you’re fed. They’re making sure that if you’re bottle feeding or pumping that parts are clean. They’re making sure the laundry is moved along. They’re they’re checking in on you I mean this is something that I don’t think this is what they’re advertising but like our.

wildishwomen
Yeah, yeah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Medical system monitors you you know monthly and then biweekly and then weekly and then every minute that you’re in the hospital they monitor you so closely and as soon as that baby is out you get like 4 blood pressure checks and like a bleeding check and you’re sent on your way and once once you leave the house.

wildishwomen
Um, at on the back.

Kaitlin McGreyes
But all that’s it. You don’t have eyes on you any eyes on you any medically trained eyes on you or quite frankly, anything outside your immediate family for six weeks and I don’t want to bring this in but I feel like we need to address sort of the elephant in the room. Why we’re all so um, activated.

wildishwomen
So yeah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
About this topic is that women are dying in childbirth and surrounding childbirth and it’s we’re dying at higher rates than any other country and it’s increasing each year and I was actually really surprised to learn this but the um majority of those deaths.

wildishwomen
Um, enough.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Are happening between leaving the hospital and that six week visit and yeah I didn’t know that either and it kind of shocked me and also didn’t surprise me at all because you know we’re just kind of sending people home without eyes on us and we’re the only country in the world. The only developed country in the world.

wildishwomen
I didn’t know that. Um, yeah, right.

Kaitlin McGreyes
That doesn’t have guarantee in in home Postpartum care every other country in the world gives their mothers ah a health visitor a nurse a doula a midwife in their home checking on them and the baby and we’re just not doing that here and so Postpartum Doulas do a lot of incredible things but they are also. Not medically trained but they are eyes On. They know they know if something’s off they know if if there’s ah, a red flag right? like they can help you figure that out So Postportum tool is are something that we really need to start removing the stigma from because people have this like oh she got a baby Nurse. Oh.

wildishwomen
Yeah, they can see me at least or said so.

Kaitlin McGreyes
You know there’s this like oh so Bougie and it’s like no no, no, it’s not bougie that’s actually basic. That’s literally what every other mother in the world gets they get care in their homes and we should be getting that too. Um and then as doulas as birth du is we are doing so so much I think there’s like I’d love to dispel that sort of.

wildishwomen
Yeah, yeah.

wildishwomen
Um, Ryan.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Um, misconception about we’re only for homebir we’re only for natural birth quote unquote natural birth because the way that I approach dula work and I think so many of us do is. It’s not really about how the baby comes out. It’s not about your choices and your medical interventions because there’s so much of that We can’t control. There’s a little.

wildishwomen
Yeah.

wildishwomen
Yeah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Bit of it. We can control by building out the right team but there’s so much that we can’t and it’s really about at the end of the day did you feel like you were in charge. Did you feel like you had the information you needed to even understand there was a decision to be made because so many of the decisions.

wildishwomen
Um, yeah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
That can be made during your pregnancy and prenatal care and during your care at the hospital or Birth Center is not presented to you as a choice. It’s presented as go and do this or we’re gonna do this or now you have to do this and I like to think of each of those. Yeah go ahead.

wildishwomen
Yeah, well I’ve never thought about it. Yeah I’ve never thought about it in that aspect because you know like I said your first time around you don’t know any better. You just trust what you’re being told to do essentially.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Oh.

wildishwomen
And I never thought about a doula just being an advocate for you if nothing else like that’s I don’t know why I’ve never thought of that so that’s I hope to know.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes, yeah I love that I will you know because that’s not the vision of doulas we have this vision of do is is like you know Sage Burning crystal which I like I’ve tried not to say that with like too much disdain because cool like you want to. You want to do herbal medicine I actually really want to become an herbalist at some point but you want to burn stage and like be the spiritual like crystal dula cool. That’s amazing and needed. But there’s also just like actual advocacy tools of like teaching people how to find their truth how to feel connected to like their most.

wildishwomen
Um, yeah.

Kaitlin McGreyes
Powerful selves. Um and helping them navigate the maternal health care system. It’s one of those things too where like how many babies are we really having I have 3 also um, but like that’s kind of a lot for around here most of the people I know have 3 or less or maybe four but it’s.

wildishwomen
Um.

17:37.52
Kaitlin McGreyes
You don’t have all that many opportunities to learn how to navigate the system and the way it’s stacked is once you have one c-section many many many if not most providers will say okay now wants a c-section. Always a c-section. It’s like.

17:40.33
wildishwomen
Yeah.

17:45.81
wildishwomen
Are continued. Yeah.

17:53.32
Kaitlin McGreyes
I was able luckily to have a be back and a homebirth after my c-section but it is like it is a steep learning curve. You know like you have that one chance to try and get a vaginal birth. Otherwise you’re forever marked and so the stakes are really high and birth Jewel is.

17:59.10
wildishwomen
That’s me Oh yeah, here. Yeah.

18:09.55
Kaitlin McGreyes
In addition to like we do all that emotional wonderful you know and labor support and positions and helping you and if pain free.

18:15.89
wildishwomen
I was going to say when I think of a doula I think ah like initially before I learned more about doulas I think of like Lamar’s class you know and having that person helping you breathe and do stuff like that I didn’t realize that there was so much more entailed.

18:21.50
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes.

18:30.98
wildishwomen
You know in what they can do.

18:33.12
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes, you know the one of my favorite I think was pamela england um, she said having a du or so I’m not going to get it exactly right? But my favorite sort of comparison is having a doula is or not having a dua is like climbing Mount Everest without a sherpa like your partner is great and.

18:50.18
wildishwomen
Um, yeah.

18:50.94
Kaitlin McGreyes
Course you need them and like Dualas actually support the entire family unit. It’s not just there for the birthing person. But why would you go up about everest and try to navigate all of the things when you’ve never been there before and it’s this enormous task. When you can hire a sherpa who’s been up there and back many many many many times and can help you get through. You’re still going to do the work yourself. But you’re going to have someone to help you out and that I feel like dual the work birth do the work is is that it’s that sherpa work. It’s let me let me help you understand your choices let me help you navigate this. And you can find the right path for you up that mountain and back.

19:28.92
wildishwomen
I no I love that. Ah, that idea of it because same with me I had the same situation. My first ah was an emergency csection which I felt also was unnecessary and I had a big gap between my first two I have ah they’re five and a half years apart

19:37.12
Kaitlin McGreyes
So.

19:47.22
Kaitlin McGreyes
Moho.

19:47.35
wildishwomen
And I learned so much in that five and a half years that I was like wait a minute like none of that had to happen the way it did and I wish I would have known that or had somebody you know there to be like hey you know like you say are you comfortable with that decision. Do you like that choice. Um.

19:49.71
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes. O.

20:06.61
wildishwomen
Because with my second I tried to have a vback and there were other medical things that came up that stopped that from happening but I did have my mind set on it and even my obg Yn was trying to convince me not to do it because like you said once you do one, you’re labeled that way.

20:06.98
Kaitlin McGreyes
6

20:18.58
Kaitlin McGreyes
Well yes.

20:23.89
wildishwomen
And I did love her and I’m very much I tried to ride the line on science and then like natural healing as Well. So I’m always open to hear opinions and things like that. But I knew in my mind I’m like I was dead set on trying to have a vbag. Ah, but like I said it didn’t work out but just having someone there that could have also advocated for me I think would have made a world of difference from my first one on you know it would have changed all of my births I think yeah.

20:55.36
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes, and it really just removes the um, the question of like what if that’s that’s a game that we end up playing when we don’t feel like we were in informed correctly or like in charge I have supported many people who have ended up having c-sections.

21:10.76
wildishwomen
Yeah, yeah.

21:12.99
Kaitlin McGreyes
But for most of them when they’re having ah the support of me or someone on my team they have at every single point they have had the the skill set to ask questions to know when to ask questions to have full blown. Conversations with their providers and I’m talking about the things that don’t feel like big things right? because it feels like oh we’re going to have to talk about whether we’re getting potocin like well hold on what about whether you want that magginal exam like the ones that they tell you are standard. You know what about getting in the bed. What about being monitored what about getting an Iv put in. You know those are.

21:40.22
wildishwomen
Um, yeah, yeah.

21:51.53
Kaitlin McGreyes
Things that they tell you you have to do that. It’s just not true. You don’t actually have to do anything like literally at all you you don’t It’s not Jail right? like you are hiring them for their services and that’s one of the things I like to work on is mindset because.

21:54.58
wildishwomen
Um, right right.

22:09.18
Kaitlin McGreyes
When we go in thinking we have to follow the rules and there’s like hospital policy right? We all hear about hospital policy. That’s who hospital policy applies to it applies to hospital staff. It applies to privileged providers that are working at the hospital and have the right to work there. That’s it.

22:12.50
wildishwomen
Um, yeah.

22:18.49
wildishwomen
Yeah.

22:28.17
Kaitlin McGreyes
It does not apply to you and when you are a patient you have a patient bill of rights I’m sure it’s different for every state. But in New York state I would print it out for my clients and I would highlight numbers. Ah, definitely number 11 I’m trying to think I think it’s nine eleven but it’s the right to informed consent and it’s the right to informed refusal. You have the right to all of the information that your team can give you and you have the right to refuse literally anything and and it and when we know that it really shifts how we go into our birth and what I like to say to people kind of circling back to the money issue right? because I think.

22:57.51
wildishwomen
We are.

23:05.26
Kaitlin McGreyes
Money is something we all have emotional ties to and can sort of understand how it works and how it feels to spend it and where we spending on is really Important. Um I like to tell people that are having a hard time sort of shifting into their power as they approach their birth go into your hospital birth and when you speak. Each person or especially like your your doctor or your labor nurse imagine handing them $30000 cash from your pocket hand it to them and then expect the level of care that comes along with a $30000 spend because if you went to a hotel.

23:40.68
wildishwomen
Um, that’s.

23:43.50
Kaitlin McGreyes
Or if you spent $30000 cash at really any business that’s coming from your pocket. You would expect the highest quality care. You would expect utmost respect. You would expect to be a valued customer and you wouldn’t spend your money there otherwise and the truth.

23:48.91
wildishwomen
Right.

23:59.46
Kaitlin McGreyes
It is is that that hospital is getting $30000 at least from your insurance at least we don’t feel it but we are the consumer and we can walk in knowing that we’re the consumer and demanding the highest quality medical care that we’re paying for and when we start shifting into that it really it helps us and you know it’s.

24:02.34
wildishwomen
1 right.

24:16.21
wildishwomen
Yeah.

24:17.97
Kaitlin McGreyes
Different for everybody right? that might not resonate with somebody I remember um a client of mine was preparing for a planned Caesarian Birth and she was really feeling so anxious I saw her the night before the birth and she was oh you know that when anxiety it just makes you feel so small and unsure and unsteady.

24:28.74
wildishwomen
Yes, yeah.

24:37.53
Kaitlin McGreyes
And I looked at her and I was like you’re an attorney right and she was like yeah I’m like Okay, why don’t we put your attorney hat on. Why don’t you like feel what it’s like to be an attorney as you walk into that birth not to call her profession in but to call her power in and the next.

24:43.22
wildishwomen
Um, yeah.

24:50.43
wildishwomen
Ride ride.

24:53.40
Kaitlin McGreyes
When I arrived at the hospital and I met her before she went back in she had like I’m telling you this stack of papers all the plans she was checking things off she was talking to the staff in this way where she was the authority and they were working with her and it was the coolest thing to see her ship. Um, that place into finding her power. It was Amazing. So.

25:10.63
wildishwomen
Um, yeah, that switch. Yeah well I never would have thought of it as like exactly what you said you’re handing over thirty thousand plus dollars to someone.

25:19.55
Kaitlin McGreyes
And hit.

25:22.47
wildishwomen
Like what would you expect in return for their services. You should be. You know, treated the way that they should treat you and you should be listened to and they should follow your wishes. You know I’ve never thought of it that way. So that’s that’s a good way to think of it. You know like you said money. It’s a great way to.

25:40.52
Kaitlin McGreyes
As ah.

25:41.94
wildishwomen
Visualize it you know are you willing to give this person $30000 for the care. They’re giving you and if not walk away. You know I mean obviously if you’re in labor. It might be a bit different but you know yeah.

25:43.84
Kaitlin McGreyes
Right? exactly? Well, the trick is work with the doula and take childbirth class so that you can figure that out before labor because there are so many ways to figure this out.

25:59.42
wildishwomen
Right.

26:02.83
Kaitlin McGreyes
Before you actually get into the L and D room and that’s what your team can do for you and help you figure out. Prenatally that’s the advocacy that happens before the birth and I always tell people the work of labor happens in pregnancy. So it’s not about like writing the best birth plan and walking into a hospital waving around with a team who’s never heard of it before it’s about.

26:14.19
wildishwomen
Name.

26:20.18
wildishwomen
Yeah.

26:22.89
Kaitlin McGreyes
Forming that birth plan and bringing it to every appointment and navigating it and working with them and if and if you’re feeling like red flags come up whether it’s in your gut or like actual you know they’re telling you that it’s not going to work. You go bring that plan to another practitioner and you find the people that are going to help you achieve your goals.

26:32.22
wildishwomen
Right.

26:41.52
Kaitlin McGreyes
And all of that work helps us release and let our vulnerability show when we’re in labor which is honestly it’s part of labor. It’s it’s the unfolding we have to feel safe to labor. We’re mammals. We have to feel safe to labor and so we can’t be coming into our hospital ready for a fight.

26:52.28
wildishwomen
So yeah.

26:58.32
Kaitlin McGreyes
We have to really be in our power and in a place where we feel safe to let let go a little bit and.

26:58.84
wildishwomen
And yeah, yeah, no I wish I mean like listening to all of this I wish I you know would have I don’t know I guess be braver in making decisions and then like you know you have your plan and then when it comes down to it.

27:10.44
Kaitlin McGreyes
O.

27:17.64
wildishwomen
Just having somebody there to make sure that it’s followed because I think that definitely I had like flexible plans I didn’t have like set exactly what I want to except for a couple things and a lot of those things were just brushed off in the moment you know, um, like with my youngest I wanted to do.

27:29.86
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes, last.

27:37.56
wildishwomen
Skin to scan immediately after he was pulled out even though it was a c-section and I was being denied that you know and then I was being giving excuses why that couldn’t happen even though his app gar was fine nothing. There were no issues. You know what I mean.

27:41.78
Kaitlin McGreyes
My.

27:48.55
Kaitlin McGreyes
I I do.

27:51.82
wildishwomen
So There’s like different things like that just to have that advocate in your corner during everything Even if you did everything right? would just be amazing support and I just I did look at like I said I did look at be her Village I looked at your site and I love to read? everybody’s about me and dig in and everything and one of the things that stuck out for Me. And I Really really loved and I know we already talked about it sort of was support not stuff because support makes such a difference regardless of all the stuff you have and I love the view of that. So with be her village and the way you do your registry.. What.

28:14.36
Kaitlin McGreyes
The home.

28:30.93
wildishwomen
Services are provided on the registry that someone could add.

28:35.54
Kaitlin McGreyes
It’s a great question so we have a whole registry guide where you can search for your team and you can find people nearby you and if you can’t find people nearby. You can book a console and we will find people near you so we are helping.

28:48.66
wildishwomen
From along.

28:53.10
Kaitlin McGreyes
We’re making it like so easy. You don’t have to know any of this stuff right? You don’t have to know what a duel is you don’t have to know what lactation consultants and pelvic floor providers and you know prenatal yoga and chiropractor and acupuncture and these are all some of the things that we have on our site. Um.

29:06.67
wildishwomen
No, that’s to know.

29:09.95
Kaitlin McGreyes
You don’t need to know any of it. We’re making it so easy. So it’s like when you get on to be her village. You’re just taken care of. You can just reach out to our team we will set you up with everything you need and the registry consults are with me like you are getting 30 minutes with me I will do the research I will find people that I think would fit for you.

29:21.77
wildishwomen
Okay.

29:29.73
Kaitlin McGreyes
I will hear you out and it’s an ongoing thing like the 30 minute console was sort of like the jumping off point for our relationship but we want you to to not have to shop by spending hours and hour hours and hour hours and hours this was a really important thing for me. It’s like right now without be her village.

29:33.68
wildishwomen
Right.

29:49.22
Kaitlin McGreyes
If you want to go find your support team number 1 you have to figure out what is even available which people don’t even know you know I didn’t know postpartum dualist worthing until after I had my second so it’s like so it’s number one that so you can go to our registry guide and you can see all the different types of support providers mental health care yoga fitness.

29:53.90
wildishwomen
Yeah.

30:07.73
Kaitlin McGreyes
Coaching Jewelas Photographers Lactation consultants pll before providers I’m sure I’m missing a few but there’s so many that that’s like it’s hard to it’s hard to get them all. Um, and sorry I lost my train of thought. Um, okay I’m just thinking. Okay, um.

30:13.64
wildishwomen
Now.

30:19.42
wildishwomen
Oh know, you’re totally fine I was that’s in 1 all you could do on the registry.

30:27.60
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yeah, so you don’t have to know what all those things are you can go and you can find them and then we have practitioners in your area so you just you get matched up with people in your area soon. We’re gonna be adding um some virtual options of people like across the country where you can if there’s nobody in your area or if um. If you’re looking for something where you don’t have to go in person. We’re going to have that as well. But the big thing is is that we require every single service that’s added every single practitioner every birth worker every childbirth educator um to put a price on their service because the car. And situation is that you have to figure out what’s out there. You have to find 1 that might be good in your area and then you have to like call them email them meet with them shop on all these websites to try and figure out what the pricing is and it’s an enormous burden. It just is and we’re doing so much already as moms to be at moms that are.

31:23.51
wildishwomen
So he ah.

31:24.99
Kaitlin McGreyes
Little ones that I wanted to take the burden off of off of people looking for support and so we have everything in 1 place. All the prices and if you’re not seeing what you’re looking for and even if you are quite blankly our team and me will make sure that you get your entire registry built and set up. Or quite frankly, if you’ve already had your baby and you’re not interested in a registry. We’ll still just help you find a lactation consultant. We’ll help you find a pelvic floor provider but we’re a resource for moms and parents to find exactly what they need so. That’s that’s what we’re working on. It’s like it’s just so cool to see. The whole support team and it’s prenatal. it’s during your birth and it’s in the postpartum the other thing I want to mention is that if there is something on our on our registry that you’re not seeing like if you knew that you wanted I don’t know like a belly binding experience and you’re not seeing that. You can add anything you want to your registry so you can just type in there’s a way to create a custom registry listing where you can type in I want $100 towards custom belly binding ah because of you know Xyz because I want the support and I’d like to be healed and that sort of thing. And then your friends and family can gift you money towards that service. So there’s really no limit and to the support we offer an enormous amount of types of services and practitioners we have over 1100 practitioners on our site across the country. But if you’re not seeing what you want you just add the team that you’re looking for.

32:57.68
Kaitlin McGreyes
And that you have lined up already.

32:58.41
wildishwomen
That’s awesome. So how does that work with finding like a provider who would take insurance. How does that go together.

33:04.90
Kaitlin McGreyes
Well so that’s part of this issue is that most of these practitioners not all of them because there are some. There’s a handful here and there most of them are not covered by insurance and that’s why be her village exists because.

33:18.13
wildishwomen
Okay, okay, that’s what I was wondering I’m like if you have insurance I know that like doulas and lots of different things are not covered by insurance which is ridiculous in itself. But.

33:22.64
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yep. Um, yes, yes.

33:31.52
wildishwomen
Um, yeah I was just curious if you had insurance how those would play together. So.

33:36.80
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes, so if you have insurance. Um that covers some of these things and our providers when they um, create their listing they ah they say if they take insurance or not I want to just clarify something though. This is a cash gift registry. That’s a cash with the intention of support.

33:45.60
wildishwomen
Have an open. Yeah right.

33:53.80
Kaitlin McGreyes
So when someone gifts you $100 towards your lactation visit. It doesn’t go to the lactation consultant. It goes to you so you get the funds that you need to pay for your support team. We wanted to make sure that it stayed really flexible because motherhood as we all know.

34:04.90
wildishwomen
Work I.

34:10.75
wildishwomen
Yeah.

34:10.76
Kaitlin McGreyes
Extremely unpredictable and you really don’t know what you’re going to need until you need it so we wanted to make sure that it wasn’t locked in that people’s gifts like let’s say you decided not to breastfeed or let’s say breastfeeding went beautifully and you didn’t need a lactation consultant but you got $300 towards a visit I didn’t want it to be where that money was then lost. I wanted it to be that you have the absolute flexibility the money in your pocket to go spend it on what you need and your friends and family are able to rather than just giving you cash and it all feels a little bit awkward. They can say that’s that’s right, people are like well why should I use your registry when I could just ask for cash I’m like you go right.

34:39.79
wildishwomen
Yeah.

34:46.67
wildishwomen
I know I feel like you got to be kind of bald near confident to be like hey could I get through inbox or something. But.

34:47.35
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yeah, do you ask for? Cash. It’s really weird to ask for cash. It just feels uncomfortable. Yes, exactly. But when you say hey this is like this is the thing I want and this is why and we literally we write it where you can have it why I want this. And the people that see that and they understand like oh this is the support. We have a whole video um on your public facing registry like the one that your friends and family will see There’s a video There’s a tab with why be her village and there’s a video that we made of 3 people 1 who actually works for us. She does all of our reels.

35:15.17
wildishwomen
Yeah.

35:26.24
Kaitlin McGreyes
Um, and she’s also like 1 of my very best friends she um, it’s funny like oh she’s our employee now she’s my friend and she’s awesome and she happens to work with us. Um, she didn’t have be her village so she tells her story of of returning. You know her.

35:29.86
wildishwomen
Um, yeah.

35:41.77
Kaitlin McGreyes
Baby blender or something to go pay for her lactation visit and like being you know, freshly postpartum and like returning gifts which felt awful and then we have a story of a mom who.

35:46.14
wildishwomen
Um, ah yeah.

35:54.14
Kaitlin McGreyes
Had be her village and she you know her baby had a tongue high and she had the funds for the lactation consultant number one she had the funds to pay for the tonguet tie clip which was you know that’s an unexpected out ofpocket cost and her and her daughter have a beautiful breastfeeding relationship and it’s like Wow This is really impactful So those are.

36:02.39
wildishwomen
Yeah, right.

36:13.20
Kaitlin McGreyes
Videos that we’re showing the gift buyer. So we’re we’re doing so much more than just helping someone give cash. It’s really about like the intention. It’s like I want to support you and I have money to spend on that So instead of buying a onesy or some plastic baby gear that may or may not help but like not as much as.

36:19.16
wildishwomen
Right.

36:30.29
Kaitlin McGreyes
1 of these support providers. We’re making it really easy. Um for them to understand the value.

36:32.45
wildishwomen
Oh yeah I we actually I put up a question in our Arizona group and I asked what’s 1 thing you wish you had after having a baby and not 1 person listed an item like baby gear. Not one.

36:49.54
Kaitlin McGreyes
Um, what’s that’s amazing. Oh my gosh.

36:51.69
wildishwomen
Every single person said they wish they had pre-made meals or a nesting party a doula. Not 1 thing was an item. So I think that speaks volumes and we have several there’s over 30 comments of people stating and agreeing and all of that.

36:59.41
Kaitlin McGreyes
Um, ah wow.

37:06.72
Kaitlin McGreyes
Wow.

37:11.58
wildishwomen
To you know it’s not. It’s not things you like you said it’s not stuff people want support and a couple people even say that they’re like I wish I had a village that would have helped me and I 100% agree that I’ve never had a village the whole time so to have a registry like this.

37:16.85
Kaitlin McGreyes
It’s not.

37:21.44
Kaitlin McGreyes
I Love that move.

37:30.26
wildishwomen
To be able to have people help contribute to services I did actually need is’ just amazing and I love the concept of it. It’s so unique and it’s really thinking out of out of the United States health care box you know

37:37.11
Kaitlin McGreyes
Almost.

37:43.52
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes, thank you I love that and I you know I just went on Instagram this morning because I had this moment we were sort of like we’re planning a bunch of stuff coming up and we’re just looking over what our registrants like we were looking over the registrants from last month so we’re clicking through all these addresses pages and pages of addresses. And they are literally all over the map and we have a map on our website which is really fun to like click around you can see where everybody is but it is it is people in Brooklyn New York people in Katie Texas like we. It’s all over. It’s rural. It’s suburban. It’s white. It’s black. It’s poor. It’s rich. It’s like this is we’ve found.

38:04.17
wildishwomen
Um, yeah.

38:23.00
Kaitlin McGreyes
Something that unites us no matter where we’re from or who we are or what our background is it is being adopted across the country because everybody knows moms need support there just hasn’t been a clear path to gifting support so far and it’s really cool to see that that sort of groundswell.

38:23.62
wildishwomen
Yeah.

38:42.20
Kaitlin McGreyes
And I have to I didn’t see that thread in your group. But oh my goodness I that makes me so it makes me so sad and so happy actually makes me sad that that wasn’t what they had ah we’re doing it. That’s um.

38:49.66
wildishwomen
Right? without know that so many feel that way but happy because you found a hole you found a need that needs to be filled and you’re doing a great job. It seems ah filling it. You know.

38:59.99
Kaitlin McGreyes
Thank you, Thank you.

39:04.21
wildishwomen
I’m not. We’re not planning to have anymore now we did try for a fourth for a while but we called it quits so just to have had this option when I did have my other three though I can’t imagine how like life changing that would have been for me because um, not having the support I think.

39:06.26
Kaitlin McGreyes
M.

39:23.42
wildishwomen
Also led to mental health issues with Postpartum depression and anger and rage and all of that and I think having that support system could help offset those reactions to not having the support if that makes sense.

39:26.66
Kaitlin McGreyes
Home.

39:34.74
Kaitlin McGreyes
Oh 1000% our perinatal moon and anxiety disorder issue slash epidemic whatever you want to call in our country is so infuriating to me I’m sorry I can’t like I can’t be pc about this but it’s so ridiculous because it’s not like oh.

39:42.86
wildishwomen
Yeah.

39:54.17
Kaitlin McGreyes
Women are having mood disorders and anxiety and rage and depression and psychosis and what do we ever do about it like we know exactly what to do? We know exactly what to do? We know it’s the studies show when you have support it in the whole perinatal experience Prenatal and postpartum.

39:59.80
wildishwomen
Right? I think that.

40:12.29
Kaitlin McGreyes
When you have support you have less p meds. It’s just science hashtag science like it’s just so it’s so frustrating though to like sort of know that and to also look at a country that spends $12000000000 on baby gear while mothers are floundering and it’s that’s the sort of thing that that increases.

40:12.99
wildishwomen
Um, yeah, yeah.

40:26.17
wildishwomen
What is my blowing. It’s that marched. No why it’s just crazy how different I think my experiences would have been had I had something like this you know.

40:30.76
Kaitlin McGreyes
My rage a little come on come on. We know what to do.

40:39.52
Kaitlin McGreyes
My absolutely.

40:45.27
wildishwomen
And then my views on doulass and help just if it would have been different. You know like I said I had no idea everything that do is do regardless if you have a home berth or not, you know what? all they can do and step in and then um, you know like the pelvic floor.

40:49.10
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes.

40:54.57
Kaitlin McGreyes
So yeah.

41:02.97
wildishwomen
People anything like that chiropractor just simple things lactation consultants. Yeah, they give you one in the hospital. But that’s you know for 1 to three days depending you know what type of birth you have so I think you’ve really found something.

41:11.72
Kaitlin McGreyes
Right.

41:21.42
wildishwomen
I Think we will do really well and it’s filling a huge hole in our health care system and I think like I said just the poll in the group like it’s resignated with many many mothers and none of them said they wanted things they all wanted help and support.

41:25.46
Kaitlin McGreyes
Thank you so much.

41:36.94
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes, thank you, Thank you so much I This sort of thing you know it’s hard to do the stay in and day out. This is just sort of like pulling back the veil on entrepreneurship. It’s hard to do the stay in day out.

41:38.64
wildishwomen
And I absolutely love be her Village I Love this idea I think it is so fantastic.

41:51.91
wildishwomen
Oh yeah.

41:53.61
Kaitlin McGreyes
And it’s it’s conversations like these that fuel me because I know I know we need it I’ve lived this I know we need it and I see the funds getting gifted and I see the support getting gotten by people but man it needs to be the thing right? and it’s it’s conversations like these that will.

41:58.11
wildishwomen
That.

42:07.58
wildishwomen
Um, private.

42:12.87
Kaitlin McGreyes
Bark that for for other people that are listening.

42:14.25
wildishwomen
Absolutely and I hope everyone we have a whole pregnancy group and motherhood group as well. It’s smaller and growing. It’s very new but even still I Hope many of them are able to listen to this and.

42:23.56
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yomo.

42:30.90
Kaitlin McGreyes
So.

42:30.55
wildishwomen
Check out be her village and realize how much of a difference. It is just based on your experience and my experience and your best friend. You know that said that you said did the reals just her experience of returning something so that she could have a service like this.

42:39.79
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yeah.

42:45.62
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yeah.

42:47.66
wildishwomen
I Never would have thought of doing something like that. But what else could you do you know if you didn’t have the money That’s an easy way to make it happen as sad or guilty as you may feel like she needed the service more you know.

42:53.41
Kaitlin McGreyes
Right? Yeah, but she needed the service more and I think I want to just like sort of underline I don’t think gift buyers are at fault here like I don’t think it’s.

43:07.26
wildishwomen
Not right.

43:10.29
Kaitlin McGreyes
It’s that gift buyers are buying the wrong things I think it’s gift buyers kind of I mean I think we all kind of know when we go on a registry a regular baby stuff registry. We kind of know this isn’t what they need you know like yeah, it might be a little helpful but we know what they really need and so I would imagine that.

43:20.69
wildishwomen
Yeah.

43:27.76
Kaitlin McGreyes
I Like to imagine that whoever bought her the thing she returned wanted her to have a great experience feeding her baby and it turns out she needed it for the lactation support not necessarily for blending baby food.

43:33.16
wildishwomen
Right.

43:39.20
wildishwomen
Yeah, right, it was the right Avenue or the right idea wrong Avenue I think is what it came down to and it wasn’t at anyone’s fault it just Motherhood Unravels as it Unravels I feel like.

43:43.54
Kaitlin McGreyes
Exactly right? And so yeah and it’s almost at the fault of these stores that just keep plucking stuff at us.

43:56.43
wildishwomen
Yeah.

43:58.52
Kaitlin McGreyes
When what we actually need is support and so it’s I think it’s sort of refreshing. Some people have like question like support not stuff How could you not have any stuff and I’m like you know what people know where to find stuff I’m just talking about support because they don’t know where to find that and so we’re going to be really single focused on getting people the support they need.

44:06.15
wildishwomen
Um, yeah, yeah.

44:16.97
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yeah.

44:17.47
wildishwomen
Ah, hundred percent I agree because even if I knew I needed to talk to someone or I needed some kind of therapy or anything I wouldn’t know where to look and I think your registry kind of has that. Um.

44:33.72
Kaitlin McGreyes
More.

44:33.84
wildishwomen
Anonymous feel to it to where you’re a complete stranger. There’s no judgment if you feel you need like mental health services. There’s no judgment in that you’re talking to a stranger they will help you find someone you know or a lactation consultant if you are feeling insecure about breastfeeding.

44:43.55
Kaitlin McGreyes
Absolutely.

44:50.84
wildishwomen
You know and you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone about it like I think that’s even that is just an easy way to find an option without discussing it with someone because you’re uncomfortable with the situation. You know.

45:02.40
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes, exactly It is totally a judgment free Zone. We’re here to make sure people get the support they need and you just sort of like ah, figuratively step in to be her village and we’ll take care of you from there. That’s the whole idea so that there’s no judgment.. There’s no shame. We be her Village is not this big conglomerate or Corporation. We are literally a group of moms and birth workers who have been there and we want We want people to lean on us and use us to build their support teams and get the funds to pay for them.

45:21.38
wildishwomen
Pride.

45:32.71
wildishwomen
Yeah, that’s fantastic for anybody who’s in our group that maybe would want to join as a service provider. How would they go about that.

45:42.67
Kaitlin McGreyes
Oh that’s a great question. Um, so when you go to behervillage.com you’ll see on the top right businesses and there’s a whole page of information about what we offer and how to get involved and it’s free to sign up so you can list your service. You got a free profile. There’s.

45:52.87
wildishwomen
Perfect.

45:56.73
Kaitlin McGreyes
There’s upgrade options. Um, but it’s free. We want everybody to come and list their services and be found by families in their areas.

46:02.84
wildishwomen
Awesome Well thank you so much for being on the show today. This is hopefully going to be very beneficial for all of our mothers and mothers to be in the group and with that is there anything one last piece of advice anything you could say. To anyone who needs these type of services.

46:21.37
Kaitlin McGreyes
Yes, I would say that you deserve this that we need to reframe this from I can do this by myself. You don’t have to do this by yourself. You deserve to feel good at every single step of this motherhood journey and.

46:30.90
wildishwomen
In.

46:40.22
Kaitlin McGreyes
Whether you use be her village or not just remember that that you deserve to feel good and your baby deserves a parent that feels good.

46:49.37
wildishwomen
That’s amazing. That is such a super powerful thing to say that you deserve it because I think many don’t look at it that way. Well I appreciate you.

46:56.85
Kaitlin McGreyes
Um, thank you so much for having me this is amazing I appreciate you and your community that you’ve built and for opening up so that I can come in and so and share this has been this has felt really good for me. This is like myself here for today. Ah.

47:11.48
wildishwomen
Ah, oh good. Well I hope that maybe we can meet back up a year from now and talk about all the growth and experience and everything that’s changed for you and be her village because I think this could definitely go somewhere.

47:21.33
Kaitlin McGreyes
I Love that Awesome! Thank you so much I would love that.

Kaitlin McGreyes is a doula and the founder of BeHerVillage.com a gift registry for moms to get support instead of baby stuff. We are helping parents get funds to pay for doulas, lactation support, postpartum care, pelvic floor therapy, and so much more. Almost $60k gifted for support so far on our platform!